I am overwhelmed. It’s been a tough couple of weeks, but the last 7 days … well … just me. Wow. I had let Grandma hang the cloud a few weeks ago, but I was mostly over it and found that the problem was her, not me.
Last week was full of work and homeschool. I felt like I wasn’t giving 100% at work (because I wasn’t!) So I worked really long to make up for that. I committed weeks ago to do a 9 mile tough double top hike with a friend and I didn’t want to miss out. A promise is a promise? We did the hike on Saturday morning. Moving usually stimulates me and I was not prepared for the physical drain that occurred later. My husband’s family held a farewell party on Saturday night. It was a small group and held outdoors so I felt safe to avoid COVID. I was exhausted but we had to leave to say goodbye.
Saturday night my mother called in tears. They canceled their homeowner’s insurance policy if they had no defensible space around their property by Tuesday to avoid fire damage. Sunday my husband and I spent 7 hours clearing the brush around their house and burning it. I can’t begin to express the exhaustion I felt that day.
On Monday I struggled to get out of bed. My body screamed in protest. I started work at 6 a.m. so I could get a go before the kids woke up. Just after 6:30 am, my 4 year old woke up and crawled into my lap. Oh. Dear. Mr. It turned out we didn’t catch COVID on Saturday night, we caught something else. My husband had to meet an inspector and couldn’t stay home to take care of our son. I had a couple of high profile meetings that I couldn’t skip, so I literally cleaned up barf while leading a meeting with the camera off.
When I look back on last week’s disaster, I blame myself for all of that. My boundaries got sloppy. I didn’t realize that I don’t have to work crazy hours as long as I do the important things at work during times like these. I didn’t tell my friend that this week is no good. I didn’t want to miss saying goodbye so I went to the party. I didn’t tell my mom that she can’t call me at the last minute to fix her problems (or fix them at all).
Oh but yeah friends, it got worse. When I’m exhausted, I get sloppy with my finances. I bought a standing desk at Costco for $ 250 and spent $ 77 on makeup at Tarte online. Maybe I needed the desk? I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty awesome. I needed $ 77 makeup, no. $ 77!?!?! When I’m tired, I look for ways to make my life easier or to bring joy at all costs. The frustrating thing is, I know this about myself. Exhaustion causes “financially sloppy beks”.
I work on limits, but I also work on ‘Financially Sloppy Beks’. There will ALWAYS be times when I am tired. The challenge is to prevent “financially sloppy Beks”. It’s a big task this week.
Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be on my way to clean up some more barf … it turns out … my other kids got everything my 4 year old got.